I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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