So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
