if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
