Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
