So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
