Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
