Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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