Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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