Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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