Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
