she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
