i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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