hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
