last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
