so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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