wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
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I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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