Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
