We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
