Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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