I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
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