I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
