He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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