The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
