so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
