Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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