she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
