I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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