Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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