My hair reeks of homosexuality.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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