oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
