my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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