Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
