once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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