Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
