I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I love having hate sex.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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