I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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