I showed him my bush... on skype.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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