worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
