How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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