tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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