I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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