This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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