Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
