two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
