Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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