just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
