Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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