grandma shit on top of the toilet
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
