Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
