the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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