How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
