I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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