and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
