THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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