I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
