can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
