Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
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