3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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