Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
