she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I need to calm my uterus...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
