my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
