Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
