Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
