And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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