I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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